Said No Mom Ever

Being a mom can be so tedious and repetitive.  I find myself doing and saying the same things 10,000 times a day.  Are they not listening? Does no one care?  Do you not understand the words coming out of my mouth?  Without further ado, I present to you my list of "Said No Mom Ever." 

1. Of course you can have a piece of candy. 
2. Yes, I love chatting with you while I use the bathroom.  Come on in. 
3. Why don't you walk in while I'm in the shower too? 
4. Just wipe your dirty hands on your shirt.
5. Wipe your nose on your shirt too. 
6. I love potty training.  It's my favorite. 
7. Here, just vomit in my hands. 
8. Of course I'll hold that for you.  I'd love to. 
9. Go ahead and have another piece of candy. 
10. Wanna skip your nap?
11. Wanna stay up late?
12. Wanna stay up all night?
13. Sure, I'll buy you that expensive, loud, light-up toy.
14. Nah, you don't have to eat that for dinner.  How about a piece of candy instead? 
15. I love watching Dora.  
16. You can sleep in my bed with me.  
17. Why don't you just throw that on the floor? 
18. No, I'm not mad you broke that. 
19. I'd be happy to get you a drink/make you lunch/prepare you a snack/cook you dinner. You don't even have to finish it. 
20. Here, have some more candy.